Headmaster's Notes

Are my kids overscheduled?

I often talk to parents about their children getting involved in school activities.  Sports, clubs and volunteer programs are great ways for kids to explore interests and build self-esteem.  It is also a great way to reduce free time that can lead to non-productive behavior.  BUT - is overscheduling too much?  We need to strike a balance when it comes to our childrens daily schedules.  Doing too much can build stress that creates physical and emotional problems.

From the University of Michigan

Signs of overscheduling:

• Change in school performance

• Change in sleeping or eating patterns

• Anxiety or unusual fears

• Lying, blaming, or perfectionism

• Young children may revert to old habits like thumb sucking

• Teens may start to use alcohol or drugs

What parents can do:

• Set a good example by practicing stress management and time management in our own lives.  Get regular exercise and eat healthy

• Plan time each day for the family to enjoy a relaxing activity together.

• Talk to teachers, coaches and other activity directors to learn how much time is needed for schoolwork and activities.

• Let kids talk about fears and concerns without criticizing them.

• Consider asking your child to choose fewer activities during the same season.

Competitive gymnastics, Girl Scouts, sunshine math, music lessons - I think I need to have a discussion with my third grade daughter.

Wellness - What does it mean?

In previous posts I have talked about the importance of raising emotional mature young people.  I have cited studies and articles about "what colleges are looking for" in our students. 

This year at Admiral Farragut Academy we employed a "Wellness Director" to assist our students in this area while at AFA.  But for those who think "Wellness" just pertains to physical wellness, let me cite a University of California article, "Well-rounded wellness".

Social - Have positive relationships, avoid the people who are negative in your life.

Emotional - Understand yourself and your feelings (both good and bad)

Spiritual - Have peace in your life, know your purpose.

Environmental - Get involved in making your environment a better place.

Occupational - Enjoy your job and have balance in your life.

Intellectual - Open you mind to new ideas, experiences and be a lifelong learner.

Physical - Healthy lifestyle, exercising and eating right.

Finanical - Understand that money does not buy happiness, have enough for needs and wants without going into debt.

 

Interesting words from the University.  Makes me stop and evaluate where I am a bit off and where I can improve.  How about you?

 

 

 

Children Online and on their Cell Phones

Recently I read a report by Doug Fodeman and Marje Monroe.  The report presented research on Student Internet and Cell Phone Behavior.  I thought some of the findings to be interesting and very informative.

Over the next few weeks I would like to discuss their findings in this blog, but for now, here are a couple of tibits:

• 82% of all students report having Internet access in their bedroom but only 16% report having some type of web filtering software (parent control software)
• 1 out of every 10 students with a cell phone admitted to receiving "offensive or inappropriate photos or videos"
• Most popular sites for students of all ages are Facebook (62%) and YouTube (32%)
• About 1 out of 4 students reported having made a friend online whom they've never met in person.
• On average a high school junior has about 800 Facebook friends.  About a quarter of all students either have risky privacy settings (open to strangers) or don't know what their settings are.   

More discussion in upcoming postings.

More Parenting Comments

After my last blog, which I received numerous positive comments, I was discussing parenting with a group of parents which had read the blog and commented on how some people could misinterpret my intent.  

I believe parents should be their child's biggest advocate.  I believe parents should be active and involved in a child's education.  When I have discussed, in the past, allowing a child to "fall down", I simply meant, that the process of "falling down" or struggling with a task or class is an important part of growing up.  The process of overcoming an obstacle is of critical importance in raising a self disciplined, self reliant child.

Parents; be an advocate, be a supporter, be a partner with your child's school.  But try not micro manage every aspect of your childs life, because when he or she moves out, you will not be with them.

 

Why do we Parent differently than our Parents?

It is so interesting to me to watch parents, or for that matter, myself, parent in today's world. 

Earlier this year I found myself checking my son's grades on a daily basis.  Why? Because I could.  I could talk to my son at every meal and discuss his latest homework grade, his latest quiz, or his latest test.  I could quiz him about his effort, his study habits and his grades every day.  I could see a less than perfect test grade at noon and be able to launch into a lecture about the importance of grades and college selectivity by dinner time. 

I found I was building my child's anxiety tenfold at the age of twelve.  But why?  Did I think if I served as my son's conscience, work ethic and calender reminder, he would be a better student?  Sure, he probably would have a higher grade or two at the time of my harassments, but at what price?  When did I expect him to develop the life skills I want my son to have? When does his lack of effort equate to a poor grade, therefore, a lesson learned.  When does he become independent, self-disciplined and mature?  His performance was probably driven by getting his father off his back rather than his own desire to do well for himself.  After all, they are his grades.

I know for a fact that my parents did not see grades until they were sent home.  I know my anxiety was high at report card time, and I knew that their feeling was that my grades were just that, MY GRADES.  It reflected my effort, my self-discipline, my aptitude.  My lessons and hard knocks were learned early on.  By the time I reached third grade or so, I knew what was expected of me and what I needed to do.  Now, truth be told, I had several grading periods after third grade that I let myself (and my parents) down, but I learned from those mistakes.  I learned what I needed to do to succeed, I learned what effort was needed to be put forth, and more importantly, I knew they were my grades and I had to live with the consequences of them.

Too often todays parents are all over their children.  Micro-managing every grade, reminding their child of every event, and on occasion (believe or not) doing their child's work (common practice at elementary schools today).  What lessons are being taught in these cases?  Unfortunately we, as educators, usually can predict a child's success in college by the level of independence they demonstrate during their schooling.  This is not saying, a child, whose parent is constantly hovering, does not eventually get it, it just might take a couple of hard knocks at the college level.

As we look to our child's future, we, as parents, occasionally need to be reminded of how we were parented in the past.  We turned out OK!

What Else Should We Be Teaching Our Children?

As the years have passed, I have begun noticing several different alarming trends in parenting.  Trends that I don't fully understand, nor agree with and often prove damaging to a child’s development. Despite the warnings we educators continuously issue, these trends continue and increase each and every year. Following are some of my observed trends 

 

"College Prep Anxiety"

In speaking with my colleagues -fellow Heads of School, and by simply observing the day-to-day of Admiral Farragut Academy, I have noticed with a certain degree of alarm, just how much anxiety, nervousness, and tension plagues many parents these days.  This anxiety of which I speak is not the result of a child's amoral behavior (stealing, drugs, etc); but has everything to do with whether the particular school is adequately preparing their child for placement in the right college.  And in many cases, I am talking about students who will not be entering higher education for another five to ten years.  College prep schools appear to have simply become college placement schools where it is more about what colleges students get accepted to than complete development of the child. Please don't misunderstand, parents should be concerned about their child's ability to go to college and the quality of education they receive at all levels of schooling.  As we all know, the world is only growing smaller and more competitive.  The question is, are parents worried about the right things? 

 

"Unnecessary Parent Involvement Anxiety" 

Too often, a parent will take issue with the teaching methods and principles that a first or second grade teacher uses to teach reading, or the lack of homework that is given in a particular seventh grade class - fearing that if their child's educational experience doesn't line-up with their pre-conceived expectations, then their child is destined to attend a sub-par college.  Parents are worried that their child's self esteem is affected by the order in which they are picked to be on a team in PE class. They have no quams about questioning teachers and other authority figures publicly in front of their children, thus undermining that particular teachers authority.  Too often parents feel compelled to do their child's projects to ensure a favorable grade.  Each year more and more parents want teachers to change grades after marking periods are completed, fearing a low grade will damage their child's GPA, and thus adversely affect their child's college acceptances. 

 

"Adversity Avoidance"
As an administrator, over the past twenty years I have personally witnessed more than a thousand students who have graduated. I can honestly say, without a doubt, that although a child's academic performance is important, it is not any more important than a child's emotional maturity, work ethic, self discipline, social development and adversity training.  I have rarely witnessed a child struggle in college who possessed the traits just enumerated.  On the other hand, I have witnessed many, many students struggle in college who had great GPAs, and who had academically been prepared, but were not ready to work hard, were without developed social skills, and who were not prepared to overcome adversity.  These students usually have to learn the hard lessons as a college student.  There are more reasons than just scheduling conflicts that are hampering students from completing college in four years today.  The sheer number of students who move to college and have to switch colleges or move back home during (or after) their first year is a clear indication that parents and educators need to pay the same amount of attention to the "whole child" as they do to a child's academic performance. Social maturity and some self discipline can almost guarantee a successful college experience.

"Non-Academic Education - Educating the Whole-child"

Let your child fail once and awhile. He or she will learn much more from their failures than from their successes.  It is difficult to place a value on the skill of overcoming adversity and adapting to a new challenge.  Put value in your child's extra-curricular activities, and understand what education and developmental benefit comes out of athletics, clubs and other non academic activities. They will learn team work and how to work with others to obtain a common goal.  Instill a strong work ethic into your child by requiring them to complete chores around the home or a job during the summer months if they are of age to work.  In turn they will understand shared responsibilities and some financial management. In your conversations emphasize morals, values and a sense of right and wrong and they will make sound decisions even when you are not around. Be an advocate for your student's teachers and assist the schools in teaching personal responsibility and your child will learn what it will take to be independent and successful.   

Parents Need to Create Productive Summers

Too often I come across students who when asked about their summer respond in ways that absolutely puzzle me.  I continue to be amazed at the many who do not have to work (who are of age to get a job), or volunteer, or do anything of a productive nature.  Yet each year the amount of media our children are exposed to is increasing.  Children and teenagers, need structure. 

Researcher reviewed 173 studies dealing with the effect of media on children's health.  Results showed: children on average spend almost as much time each week with media as they do with their parents and in school, 80% of studies showed that lots of media time linked up with more childhood obesity, smoking, early sexual behavior, drinking, drug use and poor school performance. (Parent Connection, Summer 2009)

As a parent, I want my kids to be active and I need them to be structured.  As a Head of School, I love to hear about summer vacations that are filled with work, educational trips, volunteering, expanding ones interests and trying new things. Summers can be a wonderful time for advanced preparation for school, test taking and college selections.  Getting texbooks ahead of the first day of class can put a student at an advantage in class;  getting all ones community service hours completed can ease a students workload during the school year;  taking a class online can expand a students interests; researching colleges can help better prepare a student for their big selection. SAT/ACT preparation  or remedial work can greatly help a student. 

Lately, as parents, too many of us are missing the boat.  It is our responsibility as parents, just as it is the schools, to edcuate, to structure, to lead, to create an environment that will ensure our childrens growth.  Parents should not leave their child's education and development soley to their school. Do not take the influence, direction and impact of a parent for granted.    

Summer Vacations and Lessons Learned

So often I hear about wonderful vacations planned by families.  Whether it is in the United States or abroad, our children get wonderful opportunities to see some amazing places. 

As an educator, and never trying to miss an opportunity to educate, I would like to encourage parents to spend a little time educating their children during the planning of the event, or during the event itself.  Going to a European country can give a child a wonderful history and geography lesson, before he/she even boards the the plane (not to mention the research skills).

Planning a driving vacation, if your child is past 7th or 8th grade, stopping and touring college campuses on your way to your destination provides wonderful insight and motivation for the student.  AFA had one child who after visiting Duke as an eighth grader, worked his tail off in high school to ensure his acceptance at Duke.  It took just one half hour visit.  You just never know.

It takes a village to raise and educate a child, do not let opportunities slip by.